Are you constantly saying “yes” when you really mean “no”? The cost might be more than just your time—it could be your health. Chronic people-pleasing and caretaking behaviors don’t just drain your emotional reserves; they can significantly disrupt your hormone balance and diminish your vitality. Understanding this connection is crucial for reclaiming your health and well-being. When you consistently prioritize others over yourself, the toll is often invisible, manifesting in fatigue, anxiety, and even chronic health conditions. Let’s dive into how these behaviors affect your body and what you can do to restore balance.

People-Pleasing and Caretaking

People-pleasing involves consistently prioritizing others’ needs over your own, often at the expense of your well-being. Caretaking goes a step further, where your sense of identity and worth is tied to how well you support and care for others. These behaviors often stem from deep psychological roots, such as the need for approval, fear of conflict, or low self-worth.

Common signs include difficulty saying no, chronic guilt when setting boundaries, feeling responsible for others’ emotions, and an overwhelming urge to fix others’ problems. People-pleasers often experience an internal dialogue filled with self-criticism and fear of disappointing others. Over time, these patterns can become ingrained, creating a cycle that’s hard to break without conscious effort.

I know these well from my own life. And, paid a HUGE toll on my own health. Now, let’s look at the physiology of it all. 

The Stress Response and Hormonal Impact

When you’re perpetually in a people-pleasing mode, your body activates its stress response repeatedly. This fight-or-flight mechanism, controlled by the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. To put that in clear English, your brain (specially the hypothalamus) recognizes the stress, and sends signals to your pituitary, then your adrenals, causing your cortisol to rise. While beneficial in short bursts, chronic activation keeps cortisol levels elevated, leading to various health issues.

Imagine your stress response as a smoke alarm designed to alert you to danger. In small doses, it’s life-saving. But if that alarm blares constantly, it not only becomes ineffective but also causes its own form of damage. Chronic stress wears down the body, affecting digestion, immune function, and mental health.

As Dr. Gabor Maté explains in When the Body Says No, “The expectation to constantly meet others’ needs can keep the body in a perpetual state of stress.” This persistent stress affects every system in your body, from your cardiovascular health to your digestive system, making it more than just a mental health issue—it’s a full-body crisis.

Hormonal Imbalances Linked to Chronic Caretaking

• Cortisol: Prolonged stress elevates cortisol, leading to fatigue, weight gain, sleep disturbances, and a weakened immune system. High cortisol levels can also contribute to insulin resistance, increasing the risk of type 2 diabetes.
• Thyroid Hormones: Chronic stress can suppress thyroid function, slowing metabolism and causing symptoms like depression, cold sensitivity, and weight changes. The thyroid is particularly sensitive to stress, as it requires a delicate balance to function correctly.
• Estrogen and Progesterone: In women, stress disrupts these hormones, leading to menstrual irregularities, mood swings, and fertility issues. Not to mention Estrogen Dominance that can lead to Hormone related cancers. These hormonal imbalances can also exacerbate conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis.
• Testosterone: In both men and women, chronic stress can reduce testosterone levels, impacting energy, motivation, and libido. Lower testosterone levels can also contribute to mood disorders and decreased bone density.

Research from the Journal of Psychosomatic Research highlights the link between chronic stress and endocrine disorders, reinforcing the importance of addressing emotional health for hormonal balance. Additionally, long-term hormonal imbalances can set the stage for chronic diseases, including cardiovascular issues and autoimmune conditions.

The Mind-Body Connection

Neglecting personal needs doesn’t just affect your mind; it has tangible physical consequences. Emotional suppression is linked to various health issues, including headaches, digestive problems, and autoimmune conditions. This phenomenon is explained by the concept of “allostatic load,” which refers to the cumulative burden of chronic stress on the body.

When your body is under constant stress, it struggles to return to a state of equilibrium. This imbalance affects your nervous system, (think Heart Rate Variability or HRV for your Oura Ring folks) leading to symptoms like chronic pain, anxiety, and depression. Over time, the mind-body disconnection can make it difficult to even recognize your own needs and feelings, perpetuating the cycle of people-pleasing.

Dr. Caroline Myss succinctly puts it: “Your biography becomes your biology.” This means that the story you live—the patterns you repeat, the emotions you suppress, the stress you endure—shapes your physical health. Understanding this connection is the first step toward healing.

Reclaiming Vitality

The first step to restoring your hormonal health is recognizing and addressing people-pleasing The first step to restoring your hormonal health is recognizing and addressing people-pleasing tendencies. Here are some strategies:

• Set Healthy Boundaries: Learn to say no without guilt. Boundaries protect your energy and health. Practice assertive communication and remind yourself that saying no to others often means saying yes to yourself. Years of recovery work, as well as Dr. Brene’ Brown’s teachings really helped me conquer this. Dr. Brown reminds us that it’s better to tolerate 90 seconds of discomfort when you say “No”, then the resentment (and in this case, the long-term stress) from saying “Yes”. Consider that the next time you’re already exhausted. 
• Stress Management Techniques: Practices like mindfulness, meditation, and therapy can help regulate the stress response. Deep breathing exercises, yoga, and progressive muscle relaxation are excellent ways to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting a state of calm.
• Cultivate Self-Compassion: Redefine your self-worth beyond external validation. Affirmations and positive self-talk can be transformative. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. The “I AM” app is a great resource if you are new to creating affirmations.  
• Lifestyle Changes: Prioritize sleep, balanced nutrition, and regular exercise to support hormonal health. Incorporate anti-inflammatory foods, maintain a regular sleep schedule, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. 

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in The Body Keeps the Score, emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with your body through practices like yoga, movement, and breathing exercises to heal from chronic stress. These activities help rebuild the mind-body connection, allowing you to better recognize and respond to your own needs.

Now, here’s some tips to begin to turn this around 

Reflect on This:
Consider journaling about your own experiences with people-pleasing. Ask yourself:

• When do I feel most compelled to please others?
• What emotions arise when I set boundaries?
• How does my body feel when I’m overwhelmed or stressed? (note: this requires you to pay attention to your body. This might take some practice 😉 

Awareness is the first step to change. By identifying patterns and triggers, you can begin to make conscious choices that prioritize your well-being.

Conclusion

Your health matters as much as anyone else’s. Chronic people-pleasing and caretaking can stealthily undermine your vitality by disrupting your hormone balance. By setting boundaries, learning to say “no” when you need to, managing stress, and prioritizing self-care, you can reclaim your energy and live authentically. Reflect on your patterns and take small, consistent steps toward balance. Your well-being is worth it. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

Now, this is just a simple glimpse into ways that I connect the dots for clients to see what is robbing them of their precious Vitality. If you want help connecting the dots in your life, and overcoming the insidious spiral of feeling gross and tired all of the time, let’s have a quick Free Discovery Call and see how I can support you.

References

• Maté, G. (2003). When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection.
• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.
• Myss, C. (1996). Anatomy of the Spirit.

“If you have enjoyed reading this blog, and want to take a deeper dive, then you will love my new book Create The Vitality You Crave: Epigenetics 101 to Unlock Your Healing Power. You can order on Amazon by clicking here.