Everyone thinks you’re fine — but you’re the one holding everything together.

You’ve got holiday cheer to create, including lights, the tree and more.  Work projects to close before year-end. Gifts to buy. Cards to send. Family dynamics to manage. And somewhere in there, you’re supposed to find time for yourself. (Spoiler: you won’t.)

Meanwhile, you’re exhausted in a way that sleep doesn’t fix. Your anxiety is higher. Your patience is thinner.And you’re wondering: Why is this SO hard this year?

Here’s what no one’s telling you: It’s not just holiday stress. And it’s definitely not all in your head.

The Myth of “Holiday Stress”

Let’s be real. When people talk about “holiday stress,” they’re picturing crowded parking lots and burned cookies.

But that’s not what you’re dealing with.

You’re dealing with constant responsibility. The kind that doesn’t clock out. The kind that follows you into every room, every conversation, every moment.

You’re the one:

• Planning meals while managing everything else on your plate
• Remembering everyone’s dietary needs and gift preferences
• Smoothing over family tensions before they even start
• Keeping mental lists that never, ever end
• Making sure everyone has what they need—while running on empty yourself

This isn’t stress. This is emotional labor. And it’s invisible to everyone except you.

Why High-Achieving Women Crash Harder

Here’s the thing about being a high-achiever: You’re used to handling things. You’re the responsible one. The capable one. The one people count on.

And “high-achieving” doesn’t just mean corporate success. It means:

• Running a household like a CEO (because you basically are one)
• Homeschooling kids while managing a home business
• Working from home while being the family’s primary caregiver
• Volunteering at church, school, and community organizations
• Being the emotional anchor for your entire family

You’re managing schedules, meals, laundry, homework, appointments, budgets, and everyone’s emotional needs—often while also working (paid or unpaid).

And because you’ve always been able to do it all, people assume you still can. (Even when your body is screaming otherwise.)

The problem? High-achieving women—whether in the office, at home, or both—have been conditioned to:

• Say yes when they want to say no
• Put everyone else first
• Push through exhaustion
• Feel guilty for needing rest

Add perimenopause into the mix, and you’ve got a perfect storm.

There’s no downtime. No buffer. No margin for error.

And your body is paying the price.

The Hormone Connection (This Is Where It Gets Real)

You know that feeling where you’re tired AND wired at the same time? Where you’re exhausted but can’t sleep? Where little things send you into a rage?

That’s not a personality flaw. That’s your hormones.

Here’s what’s happening inside your body during the holidays when you’re perimenopausal:

Cortisol Overload

When you’re constantly “on,” your stress hormone (cortisol) stays elevated. High cortisol disrupts your other hormones—especially progesterone, which helps you stay calm and sleep well. You can learn more about that in this blog post. 

Additionally, 2018 study in Psychoneuroendocrinology found that chronic stress significantly impacts hormone balance in perimenopausal women, making symptoms worse.

Blood Sugar Swings

Holiday treats + skipped meals + stress = blood sugar chaos. When blood sugar drops, cortisol rises to compensate. This creates mood swings, anxiety, and that shaky, irritable feeling.

Research in Menopause (2019) shows that perimenopausal women are more sensitive to blood sugar fluctuations due to changing hormone levels.

Perimenopause Sensitivity

During perimenopause, your progesterone drops first—and progesterone is your calming, sleep-supporting hormone. Without enough progesterone, you feel anxious, overwhelmed, and reactive.

At the same time, your cortisol response becomes exaggerated. What used to feel manageable now feels impossible.

Nervous System Dysregulation

Your nervous system gets stuck in “fight or flight” mode. Even when you’re sitting still, your body thinks you’re in danger. This keeps you wired, reactive, and exhausted.

A study in Frontiers in Neuroscience (2020) found that women in perimenopause have heightened stress responses and difficulty returning to baseline after stressful events.

Translation: Your body isn’t broken. It’s just trying to survive on hormones that are no longer balanced—while you’re carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations.

Small Shifts That Actually Help

I’m not going to tell you to “just relax” or “practice self-care.” (We both know that’s tough when you’ve got 47 things on your to-do list.)

But here are some small, doable shifts that can help:

1. Name What You’re Feeling

Say it out loud: “I’m overwhelmed. This is too much. I’m doing my best.”

Just naming it takes some of the power away.

2. Protect Your Non-Negotiables

In my book, I call these our “Daily Vitals” Pick 1-3 things that are non-negotiable for your wellbeing:

• 7 hours of sleep
• 10 minutes of quiet in the morning 
• A walk around the block (even if it’s just to the mailbox and back)
• Healthy food to nourish you and your calming neurotransmitters 
• Plenty of healthy water with electrolytes to optimize your brain function and energy 

Everything else is negotiable. But protect these like your life depends on it. (Because it kind of does.)

3. Say No (Without Guilt)

You don’t have to:

• Attend every event
• Bake every cookie
• Host every gathering
• Please every person
• Sign up for every volunteer opportunity

Saying no isn’t selfish. It’s survival. It’s not only critical for you, but for your loved ones, too!

4. Use Your Breath to Reset Your Nervous System

When you feel yourself spiraling, try this:

• Breathe in for 4 counts
• Hold for 4 counts
• Breathe out for 6 counts
• Repeat 5 times

This activates your “rest and digest” or what I call “Pretty Safe Nervous System (PSNS) and tells your body it’s safe.

Research in Frontiers in Psychology (2017) shows that slow breathing significantly reduces cortisol and anxiety.

5. Stabilize Your Blood Sugar

Eat protein + fat + fiber every 3-4 hours. This keeps your blood sugar steady—which keeps your mood and energy more stable too.

(Yes, even when you’re feeding everyone else first. Especially when you’re feeding everyone else first.)

Additionally, I recommend that my clients do all they can to avoid sugar. I know. I know – it’ the holidays!! But, if you check out “keto desserts” and try some Monk Fruit sweetener, I promise, it will satisfy everyone’s sweet tooth without the added burden of colds circulating through the house. 

6. Create a “Not Doing Now” List

Over 20 years ago, I took an amazing course called Mission Control. In that course, I learned to create a “Not Doing Now” list. The important things, the top priorities, went on my calendar and were “provisionally complete” (and no longer in my head creating chaos). The rest went on my “Not Doing Now” list and yes, even my “Never Doing Now” list. These were all great ideas, but I knew that I could NOT handle the 47 things. The proverbial back pack was just toooo heavy.

Unload it, try putting some brilliant ideas on a “Not Doing Now” list and see how your holiday season may feel lighter! 

You’re Not Alone in This

Here’s what I want you to know: You’re not the only one feeling this way.

High-achieving women crash hardest during the holidays because they’re carrying the most. Whether you’re managing a team at work, a household at home, or both—the load is real. And when you add perimenopause into the mix, everything feels harder.

But you don’t have to white-knuckle your way through this season.

You can set boundaries. You can ask for help. You can say no.!

And you can still be a good partner, mother, friend, daughter, and human.

You’re allowed to take care of yourself. Even during the holidays. Especially during the holidays.

Want Weekly Support Through the Most Overwhelming Season of the Year?

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re the only one struggling, you’re not.

Join my email list for weekly tools, encouragement, and science-backed strategies to help you navigate this season (and this phase of life) with more ease.

Plus, I’ll keep you updated on my upcoming book—where I dive even deeper into how to support your body, balance your hormones, and stop living in survival mode.

Because you deserve more than just “getting through” this season. You deserve to thrive.

Here’s to your hormone health, your boundaries, and your peace this holiday season.

You’ve got this. (Even when it doesn’t feel like it.)